Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Not terribly exciting...

Family holiday to the wonderful city of York. Stopping off at a motorway services on the way there, we did a bit of shopping at the Sainsburys store that was present. I, the inquisitive 7 year old that I was, spotted some tasty looking Trebor Lemon Mints in the sweetie section, and proceeded to buy three packs.

When we got to York, I'd scoffed my way through two packs, and was saving my last pack for the remainder of the holiday. Bored, I decided to read the ingredients. "WARNING: THIS PRODUCT MAY HAVE LAXATIVE EFFECTS IN SMALL CHILDREN".

Unsure as to what this means, I ask my Dad: "Dad, what does "laxative" mean?". He replies "It makes you go to the toilet all the time.".

Thinking he was joking, I ignored his warning and proceeded to eat the third and final pack anyway.

For the rest of the holiday, three whole days - I was stopping every five or ten minutes to find a toilet. The York sightseeing tour was most interesting...

Sunday, October 19, 2008


Me and my mates were sitting in school talking at lunchtime when my other friend called Julz ran round the corner like an excited puppy screaming "Have you seen it?!" Rather confused, we said no. "Well, hurry up, follow me!!" came the reply, Julz now hopping from foot to foot with sheer glee.
We followed her into the girls toilets were a small crowd of 1st years had formed round one of the cubicles. Using our folders as battering rams, we bravely fought our way into the toilet to be greeted by the sight of...the biggest turd I have EVER seen. Honestly, it was as thick as my fist and it actually curled in the bowl.
The worst thing though? The 1st years had their camers phones out and were taking pictures of it! I'm sure that'd be nice to recieve over dinner...

Monday, October 13, 2008

The first time I met my girlfriend's parents...

I realised I needed to go to the loo. I politely excused myself and made my way to the bathroom. Needless to say, I did an unfurtunately large turd that refused to flush away, the brush wouldn't even help. I had to scuttled downstairs and get my girlfriend to fetch the Marigolds (all without the parents noticing...even though in the same room at this point!). This got the interest of her little brother going, so it ended up with all 3 of us in the bathroom, me trying to push the stuborn log around the S-bend, just as I reached too far and the rubber glove dipped below the "water" level, thus filling up, the mother banged on the door to ask what we were doing..."Nothing!" we all replied in unison.
I seem to remember spending the rest of the tea-drinking awkward evening chatting with the folks thinking only of the tainted rubber glove hidden in my pocket.